When I was a little girl I wanted to be an artist and begged my parents for lessons in painting, singing, ballet, tap, guitar and piano.
I settled for one art lesson, an oil paint set, a guitar that broke, tap shoes I grew out of and school choir when I was not allowed to play the drums in band.
I drew flowers on a thin canvas yet the oil paints were never used because child responsibilities discouraged me. Eventually I gave up and in the process I stuffed all the sadness long with my artistic desires.
For the next 20 or so years I would not make any art. In my twenties I saw a painting hanging on someone’s wall. He told me he had painted it and I said I wanted to paint too and he said “you are already an artist” and I said “no I’m not”.
My inner artist was beginning to awaken and be curious. However I was not ready to go beyond the natural creativity that was coming out in my business. I was even surprised I was being creative as I had been shut down for so long.
A few years later when I was 30 I remembered early childhood trauma and immediately started therapy for the first time. The following year I started a creative project with a friend. We created a product together as well as a t-shirt line. My artistic nature was starting to bloom a bit.
And then two years later after my ergonomic business was starting to take hold in my life and when I was feeling more stable and grounded I suddenly had the urge to paint. I signed up for a series of painting classes and I really enjoyed myself over those few months using watercolors, acrylics, and oils.
Over the next 20 years I made art on and off in various mediums yet there was always a deep hesitancy to create and I had no idea that there was anything I could do about it. I often drew instead of painting because it was easier. There was less of a production and there was virtually no mess or clean up. I suppose you could say I was a little bit lazy! 🙂
I enjoyed drawing with pencil, pen, markers and charcoal.
In 2008 I sold my ergonomic business that I had founded 17 years prior. And I proceeded to create a product that I had been developing over many years having to do with meditation, visualization and imagination. I thought this was it and I knew there was something more for me to explore.
It was a painful process trying to figure out what I wanted to do my life after all these years of being an entrepreneur. One day I accidentally started taking a series of creative actions even though I didn’t know why I was doing them. This included writing and drawing and something kept shifting in me without me understanding where it was leading to.
I remember a number of conversations with people over a few years about my artist status. I did not fully see myself as an artist and I was always going back and forth.
I thought the answer was outside of myself and that I would find it at a week-long conference however I wasn’t able to go because I could not afford it. And after this big disappointment I was lead in a certain direction in my thinking.
Finally I got it. I said to myself “oh my God I’m an artist”.
I started running into people and they would ask me what was new and I would innocently say to them “I’m an artist” and they would all laugh and say “I knew it”.
They all knew that I was an artist. They saw it in my choice of art and how I decorated my house. They saw the artist in me in the way I showed up in the world and how I dressed and spoke. They had known for a long time.
I was truly shocked. How could they know something that I did not see? I had denied my inner artist long enough and I started to draw.
After a couple of weeks I had a thick file of my pencil drawings and I took them everywhere I went. None of them were signed because I had not fully owned that I was an artist. I drew everywhere I went and often I’d start crying after working on my drawings for a while.
When that happened I would put all my supplies away and leave wherever I was because no way was I going to let anybody see me cry. I noticed that when I drew and went past my comfort zone I touched on those sad emotions that had been dormant in me for decades.
I was so proud of all my drawings. And then one day I realized I had not seen them for a while. It could have been a week when I realized that I had misplaced them. So I frantically searched everywhere I had been with them.
I started with my house by searching every room and closet and drawer and I even looked in my garage. Then I searched my car. And then I went to every location where I had my folder and my supplies and where I drew.
I talked to the managers of the stores and the cashiers and the janitors. Nobody saw my art. It completely went missing. It must have put on shoes and walked away.
This made me feel very uneasy. This was my art. A part of me was missing and I was extremely sad. After a few days I realized I was going to have to let go that art go over the next couple of weeks I cried my eyes out until there were no more tears.
And I had a sudden awareness that this had to happen because I had to cry out all of the sadness from my early childhood that had been stuffed in my body when I was not given the space to make art.
Two weeks later I suddenly felt very clear. I felt happy and ready for something new and was inspired to draw mandalas. After several completed drawings I was inspired to create a coloring book and I drew for hours every day.
Within 30 days I drew all the mandalas in pencil and added black marker. I scanned all the mandalas and created my coloring book and started selling them in PDF form.
Still searching for what was next for me a few months later I was inspired to create a new collection of free style mandalas that were a lot more playful and colorful. Over a few months I had created at least 75 drawings in various sizes.
I still have all of these drawings from both of these collections!!
Then one day it’s like somebody whispered into my ear and turned my head towards the several months in 2011 when I had taken all these creative actions.
And I saw that I had created a SYSTEM with specific PATHWAYS and PROCESSES that I could teach to others who felt creatively stuck, had a desire to awaken their inner artist and for more advanced artists to go deeper and evolve their art.
Shortly thereafter, the phrase AWAKEN THE ARTIST flowed into my awareness and I immediately purchased the domain and started my Facebook business.
I tested my concepts and saw that they worked, so I created my program and launched it. After coaching several people privately and in group format there was an emergency in my family.
My mother was diagnosed with dementia and needed my help so I moved into her house and took care of her for two years. That’s an entirely different story and because of the challenges I endured my Awaken The Artist work went even deeper and I created a self study program of several modules which I am in the process of creating an online school with.
My work has helped me stay strong and move through the challenges of my life time and again with greater ease.
My work is about helping my clients to release the wounds and traumas of their life that most often began in childhood. These traumas blocked them from their creativity and art and I help them to unravel the old stories and beliefs about their artistic nature so that they can be happier and free to live out their passions.
My work helps those who have become stuck from the challenges of life in this world that we live in.
My work is about consciousness and helping my clients raise their frequency so they can move forward in creative flow rather than in fear.
Art has always been so important in our world and it took me a long time to fully understand this.
Art makes up the fabric of our world (energetically and physically) and the future is going to be much more about art than ever before.
Art heals and especially when done intentionally and there’s going to be a much bigger demand for healing in the years to come as well as art.
More to come about this and how you can benefit in many ways.
Now, what is YOUR Art Journey? I would love to hear.
Since you are reading a blog about developing a new relationship with your creativity there is a good chance you are stuck right now. Either you have been completely stuck or you are ready to create from a deeper level of your being.
So here’s how you got stuck – a really simple idea.
The series of posts below has given you ONLY a sampling of what my Awaken The Artist process is.
The Awaken The Artist Pathways are: Continue reading
“As soon as I saw the trapeze I knew I had to do it! I climbed to the top of the ladder and I was so scared I wanted to climb back down the stairs yet was told I had to step onto the platform. Then I was afraid to take the step from the platform at the same time I grabbed the handle because I knew there was no going back! After several minutes I finally took the step and Continue reading
“Christmas Day 2010 – I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at a family member’s house and an argument had begun. I made a simple comment about sea salt – yes you heard me right! Someone interpreted my comment in a particular way and we had to take a break from the festivities and practically duke it out! Continue reading
“OMG. What is wrong with me I was wondering? I better put away my art and leave right now so that nobody sees me crying!”
… It was October 2011 and I was fully immersed with my artistry. I bought a brand new drawing pad, sharpened my pencils and started drawing. I sat for hours and hours at a local coffee shop and was having a grand time! I produced a half inch thick folder of art. I took a few days off and realized I had no idea at all where my folder of art was!! Continue reading
And today we move into what I like to call the “FUN pathways!!”
I stumbled upon a process that created an instant shift for me. And when I say shift I mean that my head turned and I knew something very powerful had changed inside of me. Continue reading
The processes of Letting Go, Discovering and Releasing takes you to the door of the room where your treasure box resides. After all these years you finally have access to your beautiful God given gems that you have been denying for so long.
You look inside and see the gem and reach in Continue reading
It is time to celebrate who you are … period. Celebrate the fact that you are alive.
If you are here reading this email you have probably experienced some challenging times and you have made it this far. Be grateful and celebrate this now! Continue reading
- It is time to take it in deeper. This is how transformation happens.
WHAT IT WILL TAKE:
It is going to take TENACITY to do this work.
When I owned my big ergonomics company, Continue reading