Ever feel like it is one thing after another?! Life just keeps happening and sometimes there is no time for a breather?
These days many are experiencing a quickening in challenging life events. If you are one of them I totally feel you.
This has been my life for about 30 years. My twenties were turbulent and when I started on my healing path in 1989 things began to make some sense.
10 years ago began a new series of events and six years ago another big series and then many other since. And when I take a closer look I see that they are all very connected and
I have often wanted to write about them and the reality is that when things are happening so fast and with very little recovery time it can be easy to lose track. It is my intention to share more as I walk this path because I receive insights that help me and others. I know that by sharing my journey in the form of story and insight from the experience it is serving a larger whole.
So with that in mind….
A new series of events began the end of February.
I bought a new car out of the blue (fun and surprising mystical experience I still intend to write about!).
A couple of days later I was in the process of moving and I missed a step and sprained my foot and ankle … the worst sprain ever!
After looking for help I just had to walk on my foot, carrying boxes and pushing my way through.
My dog and I stayed in a hotel for several days and walking him was painful! I held onto cars and the side of the building and sometime sat on the curb. And it was cold and rainy and I was moving SLOW.
During this time I was in the process of selling my old car which took three days of non-stop work (driving from one side of the city to the other, trading cars and getting documents together) to make it happen. I really felt as though I was being tested.
I also felt as though I was pushing myself to the next level of inner growth. While that was nice to realize I was just tired and my sweet dog was getting confused over the continuing change from one car to the other.
I kept pushing through. I had no other choice.
Then after several weeks of testing my mother was moved into a lock-down unit of an assisted living home for dementia – very emotionally challenging.
It has been a challenging couple of months working towards acceptance of my mother’s health. All kinds of anger and grief has surfaced and keep working through it using my own processes and getting help from other energy healers
There is no other choice for me. What about you? What is your choice?
I’d love to hear.
PS. One hint to move through the rough stuff: Create Art!
Today I spoke my truth to someone that did not appreciate it. Sometimes it is not easy to stand up for yourself because of the possibility of resistance. But it is giving me greater clarity so it was worth it! What have you been holding onto that feels like it will just burst out of you if you do not share it? Or is there something that is just sitting there on your mind taking up space? Consider how freeing it will be to release it in an authentic way through verbal communication, written words or art. Once you release this you will have a greater sense of freedom inside that will lead to deeper levels of clarity and you will feel inspired to move forward with new actions. That is what life is about. We are always moving forward when we allow ourselves to express. Let me know your thoughts.
Sometimes I think that I am not poised and articulate and graceful. I talk fast at times. Sometimes I sound like I have a Texas or country accent. I do not feel polished. Much of what I know and use I taught myself. I do not have formal training in many areas of business or the arts. I kind of like it that way because I prefer to do things my way. When I have taken classes in the past or been told what to do rarely do I listen and when I tried to listen I did not get results like I thought I would. So I guess I will just keep being me and listening to my own intuition and inspiration and not concern myself with what others may think of me. That is where true authentic, personal power live anyway.
Love and Light!
First of all I am letting go of whatever needs I’ve had up to now to be verbose when I write! LOL I now look forward to writing shorter posts (ok this post could still be shorter) and getting to the point. I also let go of any need I may have for anyone to read what I write or comment. It sure makes it a lot more fun to let go of expectations. I am writing for me. It lightens my load and opens a bigger space inside of me to create. And if there is a lot more to write I let go of the need to make it short. I let go of the control. I let go of any need to control. I let go of any part of me that makes this feel like work. I let go of anything inside of me that does not allow me to have fun with my writing.
So much good comes from letting go.
Five years ago I let go of my business. It was not bringing me pleasure anymore. It was early February 2008 and after several years of thinking and wondering I had an instantaneous knowing. I was standing in my kitchen and I realized it was time to close it. I was going to put a note on the website and say “Gone Fishing” and see what was next.
In that instant I felt a great comfort – like a giant HUG from the universe and I knew that all would be ok. It was a great feeling to be ok with not knowing what was next. I knew I would be taken care of and that my bills would get paid. And the inspiration came to sell it and it was easy. It sold in 90 days because I was willing to let go of it.
Earlier this year I let go of my house. I had been nudged to sell it ever since I sold my business. I let go of clutter, sold a lot and donated and threw away much more and I still have a 10 x 20 storage unit. Yesterday I was there in search of a few things. There is much more to let go of. It feels so good and it takes courage.
And now I would like to let go of having to know where my next “permanent” home will be. I really want to know now! I am living on the other side of the city from what I am used to for the past 30 years. I have had to let of my need to get my daily cup of coffee from Whole Foods because it is just too far to drive everyday. Oh I miss visiting my store! Somehow it will all work out. And the sooner I let go of the how to get it the sooner I will have it!
That’s what I’m talking about.
Everything I’ve experienced in the past decade could fall under the heading of “reinvention” and if there was a defining moment that set me on that path it would be the following…
In the spring of 2004 my Houston consultant gave her resignation because she was moving too far away to commute. I called my client to request a meeting so I could share the news (they loved our consultant) but they were not interested in meeting with me. I soon learned that they were doing everything they could to undo the relationship we can created. So I shared the news via email.
The next day my client called our office to speak to our consultant and my intuition told me to sit in the office when she took the call. And he did what I suspected. He tried to hire her and it just shattered me. Even though I had mentioned my hunch to my HR consultant two weeks prior it was still incredibly unbelievable. I had been working so hard for so long, invested my time, energy and savings to create the best systems possible and this was how they showed their appreciation! The next day he was the one calling me to request a meeting and I told him I would think about it.
Two weeks later it was my consultant’s last day and I took her to lunch and then we were going to attend a meeting with the client to discuss her open cases. At lunch she shared that my client was going to “replace me” with an employee. They were going to “make me” tell her everything about the contract …ie..How we did things and how to use the database that my company funded (I was going to use this for other clients). They thought that I was going to give in and let them do anything they wanted! NO!
( I had learned a big lesson. It took me a long time to say no to them because I was so afraid of losing their business. The consulting fees were bringing in $25,000 per month. Then there were product sales from the contract and internet sales but the consulting fees were a major portion of our business. I had intended to get the contract running efficiently for the first few months and then meet with other clients for new business but this client made so many demands on my energy. As much as I tried to breakfree I was unable to focus on new business because I did not stand up for myself and the needs of my business and employees.
I saw the client as my source of money instead of only one possibility. I was totally disconnected from my Source at that point…I was just beginning to study the law of attraction even though I had known about it since the 80’s. It would take me many years to clear the energy that lived inside of me since my early youth that had created this mess in my adult life.)
So we went to the meeting. When I arrived at our onsite office they had already removed our company name off the door and replaced it. And the employee they were going to give the contract to was there in the office and was going to come into the meeting. I walked up to her, looked her squarely in the eyes and told her she was not invited. I was taking my power back.
We began the meeting with just three of us….myself, my employee and my contact’s associate. A few minutes later my client walked into the meeting, leaned into my face and began pointing his finger and yelling at me. He was so filled with rage that it was almost humorous … especially when he could not roll his chair through the door because it kept bumping into the door frame!
At one point I thought he might actually hurt me. My employee and his associate were in shock. I could have grabbed my brief case and walked out but my body was frozen.
He was demanding that I do what he wanted and I told him “no.” He kept testing me and I kept saying no. It took every ounce of courage I had.
After we walked out of the meeting I discovered that many in the vicinity heard what transpired. We were right next to the medical department and the elevators. My contact had lost control. He was under so much pressure to produce that he was completely out of touch. He was removed from the contract and his boss (the one that awarded the contract to me and hired him to micromanage) called to take me to lunch.
They realized they had made a big mistake by trying to replace me in my own contract and now they were just trying to smooth things over. They wanted me to begin a new level of work at another location under the same contract even though they had already broken the contract by cutting it in half. My lawyer and my therapist at the time both gave me the same advice “Do not even think about it.”
I wanted to take the work. It would have been at least $100,000. I “thought” I needed the money at the time to make up for the work they took away but in the end I did not take it.
After that fateful meeting I could feel the “connectors” in my brain breaking apart. I was officially in a mid-life crisis… a spiritual crisis and it affected me physically. I took the next two months to rest and recover. Thank goodness for my consultant in the New Orleans office who was working and bringing in income. Plus we had the internet sales. Once I felt better I consulted for another couple of months until the contract was officially over and several months later I recovered 20% of the income we had been denied.
It took quite a while to see the beauty. I knew that there was something new for me to do in the world but I had no idea what that was. I was beginning a new path and it was the beginning of an intense journey of healing and self discovery. I believe that everything happens for a reason and when we are able to let go new possibilities and doors present themselves to us.
In fact this week three doors closed for me so I am paying attention to what new doors are opening for me!
My journey of reinvention began in the spring of 2003 when I finally had the courage to say NO! It has been 10 long years! I had been serving my Fortune 100 oil client for 11 years. I sold products to them for five years before a $50,000 consulting contract landed in my lap. Actually there was no contract – just a handshake – and it worked beautifully for years. I helped the employees of this company get out of pain and back to productive work by finding the source of their computer related physical pain. Then I rearranged their workspace, told them what products to buy and how to reposition their bodies so they could work in comfort. Often I would hand a $10,000 invoice to my contact and he would have it paid within two days at my request!
A few years later I was given the opportunity to bid on a much larger consulting contract and after months of discussion a $1,000,000+ contract was awarded to my company. My staff and I got to work. I hired consultants to cover the Houston and New Orleans offices. We all worked hard creating systems to efficiently serve up to 1600 employees and contractors for my client. My computer science degree came in handy. I hired a programming company and together we designed an online database and reporting system for the contract. It allowed us to enter data collected in the field and to create reports so that we would always know what was going on. We even had an appointment scheduler. It was a masterpiece and I was so damn proud of what we had created.
In the beginning of the two year contract we were paid on time for the most part. Then gradually it took longer and longer to receive payment. I started to hand the invoice to my contact and ask him if we could walk together to the accounting department to make sure it was immediately entered in the system. But even then it was slow. There was always some excuse as to why the invoice was paid late yet they still expected the highest quality service from my company and we continued to serve. They withheld tens of thousands in payment and it was beyond frustrating. At one point they owed us $60,000 and said that the only way they would pay us was if we created a new system of reporting for upper management.
I said “It is not in the contract.”
They said “It’s in the contract.”
I said “Show me where”and they did not respond.
They had the upper hand and they knew it. They were using their power to get what they wanted and I did not see another way. We created the new reports. It took us a few weeks and cost my company $10,000. Then we were paid. A couple of months later they told me that we had to cut the amount of billing in half. They broke the contact, micromanaged my staff and myself and continued to pay slow. What I thought was going to be amazing turned into a nightmare.
I let them control me for several months until I finally had the courage to say no. This was after my intuition told me to pay attention to their actions and I caught them trying to hire one of my consultants away from me. They were going to break the contract and hire her to run MY contract! But she told them “no” and I had my evidence. I told them that if they wanted me to continue keeping their employees and contractors injury free they were going to have to pay me everyday.
Yes. I put my foot down finally and I knew that I was risking losing the contract completely but I just did not have the energy to go on. I finally had the courage to say NO.
Then a meeting was called in my client’s office and something very drastic happened that was incredibly shocking to all who were in attendance and to all those who happened to be in the vicinity of the office.
Once that shocking meeting was over everything had changed for me. It was the beginning of my new journey of reinvention and I had no idea how long and difficult that journey would be to find what was going to be next for me.
I will share that story next….
I share an update about my recent move – the 3rd one this year – well technically I am not living in a particular place right now but I did manifest something really cool in the process. I speak about trust and being “home in the heart” – ok I did not say “heart” but I did touch my heart. Let me know how this inspires you! xoxox Wendy PS. I do believe this is an example of living very courageously!
Following is the link to the blog talk radio show I was interviewed on this past week. It is a followup to my video that I posted yesterday. I go into much more candid detail about my challenging experience the past couple of years. May you find some tidbits of inspiration!
I just created a new video about Emotional Authenticity….How I discovered it as my purpose, what it is and why it is so important to embrace it now!
I am looking at a list of stories I am going to be writing about this month. Two years ago I started making a list of stories from my life and I felt stuck in some ways. Many story ideas were coming to me but most of them seemed to be from my adult years.
In the past few days since embarking on my 30 Day 30 Story adventure I have listed many stories from my childhood that are now speaking out to me. They want to be told.
And just now I am looking at them and see that they have several similar threads running through them. It is so cool to be realizing this now.
Here are some of the themes I am seeing:
- Going for it no matter how unreachable it seemed
- Taking action on my ideas even though I was ridiculed or not seemingly successful
- Getting yelled at my teachers (yeah me!) and being made fun of by students who could not see my uniqueness
- Standing out like a sore thumb and finding a way to fit in even if I was ignored anyway
- Having big desires at a young age
I am sure there are more threads and I can see how these all relate to my purpose!
Have you looked at the stories of your life and how they are all related to your purpose?