authenticity
30 Days 30 Stories – Day 4 – Patty, Janet & Dawn
Story 4
4-7-11
When I began this project I said I was going to write one story a day and then blog about it. That is not happening exactly. I was just going to explain it all and I was getting myself all confused so I am going to leave all that out and just say that here is another story…the story is my blog. And I’d like to add that this commitment I made to write stories for the next 30 days is a much bigger challenge than I realized but I am staying on track. I can feel my awareness growing and it is changing me. I love that. Isn’t that all that matters?
***
Patty, Janet and Dawn
It was my last year at Eisenhower Middle School and I was in my physical education class one day and all at once Patty, Janet and Dawn came up to me and befriended me.
They touched my hair and told me they liked it. It was and still is a unique color. Back then it was considered strawberry blond…and it had a lot of red in it. I suppose I stood out in more ways than one. But really I guess they just liked me and invited me into their circle. That was the first time that ever happened to me.
I felt accepted. I was happy to feel their acceptance and their attention. They wanted to eat lunch with me and when Christmas came around they all had gifts for me. Or was it my birthday? I really cannot remember because it is way too long ago! But again I was really touched.
They always wanted me to go skating on Thursday nights. That was when many of the kids at my school went skating at a particular skating rink that I had a couple of birthday parties at.
But my mother would never let me go. It was an important time for me to get out of the house and socialize with kids my age especially since I was so shy…at least that is what I had been labeled from a very young age. I really wanted to go so perhaps I was not as shy as everyone made me think. I begged to no avail.
The entire year they wanted me to go and even though I couldn’t they still kept me in their circle.
Then it was time for summer vacation so I did not see them at school anymore. And I did not go skating on Thursday nights. And all summer long all I could think about was seeing my friends again.
On the first day of school at high school it was lunch time and I was so excited. I went to the cafeteria and looked for them. I found them quickly and I hurried over to them in the snack bar line. I said hello and they completely and totally ignored me.
I was so hurt. They were talking about me and making fun of me as I stood there. I was quiet as I stood there and listened. I can feel the pain inside of me right now.
I better do some EFT (ok done).
I started thinking about these friends in the past few weeks in a different way. I had a thought that perhaps they were hurt they I never went skating and that I never contacted them during the summer. Now as I write this story I’m thinking that maybe it was none of that. Maybe they were just tired of me and wanted to pick a new friend for the year that they would dump.
It really does not matter. The only thing that matters to me now is that I let go of any stuck energies created from this experience. Perhaps the EFT took care of this or maybe the awareness from the writing of this story is allowing whatever healing is necessary to take place. I do not need answers to everything. What I need to know will come to me if and when it is necessary.
With Love
Wendy
30 Days 30 Stories: Day 3
Story 3
4-6-11
This is my 4th day of writing stories and I am choosing to print today’s story instead of blog about my experience only. If my purpose is about being emotionally authentic it seems that sharing my story is more in alignment. I will see how I feel as I continue this journey. I will probably do both. This story was meant for yesterday! Yes I am already behind but will write 2 stories today!
Feel free to share!
***
“When I Tried Out for Cheerleader – Twice!”
When I was a freshman at Churchill High School in San Antonio I tried out for cheerleader. I loved practicing gymnastics even though I was just a beginner. Mainly I wanted to be popular! I felt like the most unpopular person in school and was down on myself for it. I longed for friends and I thought this was my ticket.
I joined the team to learn all the cheers and practice my jumping and I had a total blast learning. There were just a small handful of us. When I think about it now I see that I really had a lot of guts to do this. All of the others that tried out were used to this sort of thing.
The day of cheerleader tryouts we entered the gym and ran to the front. Every single student from the entire school was there. I looked out and have no idea how many students were there but it was a huge gym and it was packed. The bleachers and the floor were totally covered with students. From freshman to seniors they were all there. There could’ve been a few thousand. What was I thinking?!
When it was my time I did my cheer from start to finish and I did my jumps. I did the absolute best that I could. I was not as good as any of the others. I did not jump as high and I did not yell as loud and I was definitely not as popular. So the next day when I found out that I did not win I was not surprised but I was happy that I tried. It was great fun.
The next year my family moved to another neighborhood in San Antonio and I went to Robert E Lee High School and I just did not have enough so I tried out again. This time it was much different. We tried out in the gym to a very small group of people who would choose the cheerleaders. And this time if you can believe it I forgot my cheer. I totally forgot my cheer! I did better with a large crowd than a small handful of people.
But I was able to do something that nobody else could do. When I jumped I landed in the Chinese splits…I can remember it to this day. I may have forgotten my cheer but I landed with perfection! And I got the oohs and the ahs! I was able to walk out of there with my head held high! It just goes to show that there is always a silver lining and it just takes us choosing to focus on that instead of the other.
When I look back now I remember how some of the boys actually did talk to me when I did not hide and choose to be shy…the term I was labeled with early in my life. And some of them were even cute. Yeah I liked the cute boys of course. I always wanted what I could not have. And some of the popular girls even talked to me. They were always complimenting my jewelry. Yes there were those young girls who made fun of me. It is all part of the experience of my life. I’ve been living the full spectrum of feelings my entire life…from extreme highs to extreme lows and one thing I can say is that it has been a very moving experience!
I thought at that young age that it was all about the outer. That if I could be popular out there and have a lot of friends and admirers I would feel better inside. I wanted to be loved. I did not know that it was an inside job. I was only 14 after all.
And I wonder why I could do my cheer perfectly in front of a mass audience and forget it in front of a few. Perhaps I am meant to be speaking in front of large audiences because I feed of their energy and rapport. Well I suppose we will see.
With Love!
Wendy
30 Days 30 Stories: Day 2
Well I just finished writing my 2nd story out of 30. And just like yesterday I found many other things to do instead of write. Perhaps tomorrow I will get started much earlier though I will continue to allow myself to slow down.
Today I took some time to practice deep breathing and enjoyed it.
I visualized twice and the 2nd time for quite some time. It was a joyful experience as I could feel it in my body and could feel how it was merging with my energy field. I could feel how I had already created my desire in physical form.
During this time I was developing new tools and getting excited about that as well. Oh there I go always creating!
I can feel things continuing to shift inside of me. The stories I am writing are shifting me as well. It is exciting to me to take on a 30 day project and to blog about it openly.
As I am writing this I have been thinking about sharing the story and instead of doing that I am sharing the last paragraph:
“This is so interesting to bring this story forward into my life. It merges the innate knowing I had at that young age with the adult who has healed from her many childhood experiences. I can only imagine the young Wendy speaking to the adult Wendy and each one of them sharing and loving and growing together and merging more fully as one empowered being! This creates a much more powerful me. Much more to ponder here and I look forward to the new insights I have about this story.”
With that I will let myself drift off to sleep as it is almost midnight and I am about to turn into a pumpkin!
With Love!
Wendy
30 Days 30 Stories: Day 1
Earlier today I announced on Facebook that I would be writing 30 stories about my life in 30 days and that I would be blogging about it everyday.
I had a busy day that included doing everything else under the sun that I could think of except write this story!
First I typed up something I had manually written the other day. That was an accomplishment right there as I took numerous breaks..mainly opening the fridge over and over to see if there was perhaps something new in there. There wasn’t!
Finally I finished that project and rested on my couch in complete silence. That was really nice and it felt wonderful to give myself that time to just relax and I think I may have dozed! Then I took at walk around the park near my house!
I consciously allowed myself to slow down and enjoy they day. Slow is the new fast in this new paradigm we live in. Slow down to get more done. The concept of time is changing and I can feel how this is slowly beginning to integrate into my life.
One way I can see to slow down is to have more fun. Laugh more. Live more from my core. Have intimate conversations.
So I chose to meet a few friends at “The Chocolate Bar” in Houston to watch the Secret Millionaire episode tonight since the non-profits featured are all in Houston. That was a lot of fun and very heart warming!
Thanks to accountability I began writing my first story shortly after returning home. Since it is Sunday evening and my first day of story writing I gave myself the permission to write a very short one! It was 20 sentences.
The title is “The Day My Dad Was a Farmer.” It was about the tiny peach tree in our backyard in our first house in San Antonio!
So that is how my day went. I slowed down and felt extremely productive. I even had time to stop at Whole Foods Market on the way to “The Chocolate Bar!”
Most importantly I did what I said I was going to do. Only 29 more stories to go in this self-imposed 30 day challenge! Yay for me!
Love to all 🙂
Wendy
Wealth Choice at Early Age
Ok I know this is going to sound a bit strange at first. Just hear me out!
When I woke up recently I found myself staring up at the ceiling fan! For some reason it mesmerized me and it brought me into a heightened state of consciousness. All of a sudden the concept of my success and perhaps surpassing the success of my father came up.
It was just a simple little bit of information that bubbled up inside of me.
The next day I woke up and consciously put my attention on the ceiling fan and realized this allowed more information to surface. It is like there were two parts at play here….the part that was telling me to focus and the part that was surfacing the information!
As I had the realization about this old belief I started to cry! I love it when I cry because I know I am releasing old stuck emotions and this has enabled me to grab a bit more of my power and step deeper into my worthiness. It opens more of my creativity and inspiration to flow. It allows me to breathe deeper.
Over the years I pondered the possibility that perhaps I made a choice to not pass up my father in wealth and this experience affirmed it. And just this week I attempted to have a conversation with him about money and it created an emotional reaction in him. Then I have this experience. Really interesting stuff.
Several weeks ago I called a therapist who helped me over a period of many years and told him about the emotions and buried thoughts that had been bubbling up from my childhood over the past year. These were things that I always remembered just there were particular details that were making themselves known to me so that I could release and move on.
What he told me was that the gift of all the work that I have been doing over the past 20 years was to get to do this work too! Thanks! So the gift of doing our work is more work!
However it is all good. He told me that this was the last leg of my work. Lots of cleaning and tweaking. So much more about my life makes much more sense now.
And the awesome part is that it is leading me right into my purpose work. It makes such complete sense that cleaning out the cobwebs from the past is necessary to serve in a bigger way than I have.
And that is one reason why I am excited about 2011!
I have been feeling increased compassion for my father. He is 85 and has worked very hard his entire life. He is still going at it running his small business. Everyday … the weekends too … he works. Whether it is doing paperwork or seeing clients or vendors he is constantly working. Except when he is watching football or playing with his stamp collection or listening to his favorite radio station!
Though many times he is working in the background. I have watched him work like this since my childhood and see that he has been a source of my inspiration to get started in business so young in my life. Thank you Dad!
I would say I’d like to make it easier for my Dad (and for my Mom for that matter!) yet he would tell me that he is enjoying his life … though I am sure he would accept any gifts I may give him!
This morning as I am working on a project I am feeling excitement. I see myself looking at everything as creation and adventure and as I feel the passion of that moment. It is getting me to my next moment where I can create and feel passion. It is about continuing to climb the ladder of passion. That is where success is!
Thank you for reading and allowing me to be more authentic! Writing is so healing and really locks in the learning and creates more shifts. I would love to hear your comments!
In Deep Gratitude, Love and Inspiration!
Wendy
Shifting and Claiming Value
My last post talked about being more authentic and I have been really quiet because I have been processing and allowing myself to hear inspiration. That is pretty much how the entire year has been and as we approach 2011 I am feeling into appreciation for myself and how I have chosen to shift this past year.
It is the holiday time and I am feeling compelled to write a bit about one of the biggest challenges of my adult life. It has centered around the relationship I’ve had with my younger sister. I wrote about this some months back after having reached a new level of clarity and now I realize how much deeper that clarity has become and how it has allowed me to stand in my worthiness at new heights.
I’m just one who will do whatever inner work is necessary to feel good by going back into the sad areas of my life. Last year this time I started to connect with a much younger part of me and was able to get in touch with the sadness that I had felt for my entire life. The sadness was centered around many experiences I always remembered but did not realize had such impact on my life. How I did not realize that I do not know. I guess I was just not ready to do this work.
Close to a year ago I began talking about some of the experiences with others and I found myself reduced to tears almost immediately in the beginning. I did not realize how much I had stuffed my feelings my entire life. So much had been living inside of me and I was releasing. After sharing stories with people that cared I could feel that the pain was slowly diminishing. I did have many energy shifting sessions and hypnosis which were very helpful yet it was my constant focus on healing the sadness that helped me to feel better.
I see how for years I tired myself out trying to understand what happened that created the dynamics of our relationship and I realize how I extended myself in ways that were not loving towards myself. It has been time for me to step into who I came here to be and this was only going to happen with a heightened sense of clarity of this part of my life.
It has taken a good deal of inner strength to stand for myself … to stand for my happiness … even if it was going to appear to rock the boat. My guess is that there will be more work to do in this area and I trust that it will all happen in perfect timing. Yet for now I am feeling much more peaceful than even just a few months ago. And at some point perhaps I will share more about this journey either here or in one of my speaking engagements. I am all about shifting and growing and if my story can help inspire someone then I am happy to share.
I’m so thankful for the relief and the best part is that I’ve been stepping into a bigger me, valuing myself and asking for what I want.
I’m excited about 2011 for many reasons. I’m excited about serving. I’m excited about being. Most of all I am proud of who I continue to become.
Keep standing for yourself no matter what. And if you want I will stand for you too!
Love and Inspiration!
Wendy
Authenticity Deepens
Sometimes I am not sure where the time goes. With reference to this blog it has been 5 weeks since I last posted. I choose to be a consistent blogger delivering my authentic message and I believe that is where I am headed.
I’ve been sharing a bit of my journey and how I live in inspiration in my last several posts and now I feel that there is something deeper for me to share.
And to be honest that brings up fear. Just saying this brings up a reaction in my body…right behind my eyes. No tears quite yet but it may just happen.
Everything I am hearing about now is to be authentic. Share our journey. Let people get to know us so they can trust us.
The title for my blog today “Authenticity Deepens” has a double meaning because authenticity is about going deeper and I am going deeper with my authenticity.
The last time I wrote and said I was going to be changing my blogging style and I followed up with a series of blogs that felt really great. I like what I wrote about and will continue.
We are living in a very unique time in history and I am feeling that it is time to show the world who I really am with more of my story. After all these years in business I feel like I am beginning all over again and playing within a completely set of new rules that I am not fully immersed in.
So if I really have the nerve (and I think I do) I am going to be incorporating more authenticity including my struggles. Because there have been a whole slew of them in the past couple of years!
So that’s my story today and I am going with it!
I would LOVE to hear from you here on the blog. It gives me inspiration! Yes I need inspiration too!
Love and Inspiration!
Wendy
Life Purpose
Yesterday I mentioned that I traveled to Phoenix for a Life Purpose Summit. It was an amazing weekend and I received confirmation and some important details about my life purpose.
For almost 2 decades I have had visions of myself on stage speaking. I’ve had many thoughts about speaking about my life.
Last year I took a speaker training and for the past several weeks speaking has really been foremost on my mind. In fact I have begun practicing in front of my flip cam.
I say that I do not have a fear of public speaking though I am sure that I will be feeling the butterflies in my stomach! Soon I will find out as I will begin telling my life story and how it has led me to where I am now.
I have a core message to share that I have been told will be very healing. I have always said that stories heal because people take what they need from the story to gain insights about their own lives.
Admittedly I feel a bit nervous to be so authentic and vulnerable in front of people that I do not know yet since I know this is my life purpose to be sharing my story I know I must. I trust that once I share my story for the first time it will motivate me to continue.
So I have been writing my speech and yesterday I booked my first talk to a group of very supportive women! When things happen fast that is when you know you are on the right track!
Love and Inspiration!
Wendy
Authenticity and Being You
A few years ago a close friend of mine gave me a plaque for my birthday and today I am inspired to share it with you.
What it really means to me is to be who you are at your core. Stay true to yourself with all the chaos going on around you … whether in your personal life or in the world at large.
Be authentic.
Speak from your heart.
Be kind and loving.
Remember who you came here to be.
This will set you free from competition, fear and scarcity and will help you experience joys you have yet to imagine.
You deserve everything you dream about.
Be in gratitude for everything you experience in life now.
Breathe deeply several times a day and let it become a frequent behavior!
Open yourself to living your life in divine inspiration and creativity!
Take inspired actions with passion and joy.
Experience your most fulfilling life!
Love and Inspiration!
Wendy
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