Ok I know this is going to sound a bit strange at first. Just hear me out!
When I woke up recently I found myself staring up at the ceiling fan! For some reason it mesmerized me and it brought me into a heightened state of consciousness. All of a sudden the concept of my success and perhaps surpassing the success of my father came up.
It was just a simple little bit of information that bubbled up inside of me.
The next day I woke up and consciously put my attention on the ceiling fan and realized this allowed more information to surface. It is like there were two parts at play here….the part that was telling me to focus and the part that was surfacing the information!
As I had the realization about this old belief I started to cry! I love it when I cry because I know I am releasing old stuck emotions and this has enabled me to grab a bit more of my power and step deeper into my worthiness. It opens more of my creativity and inspiration to flow. It allows me to breathe deeper.
Over the years I pondered the possibility that perhaps I made a choice to not pass up my father in wealth and this experience affirmed it. And just this week I attempted to have a conversation with him about money and it created an emotional reaction in him. Then I have this experience. Really interesting stuff.
Several weeks ago I called a therapist who helped me over a period of many years and told him about the emotions and buried thoughts that had been bubbling up from my childhood over the past year. These were things that I always remembered just there were particular details that were making themselves known to me so that I could release and move on.
What he told me was that the gift of all the work that I have been doing over the past 20 years was to get to do this work too! Thanks! So the gift of doing our work is more work!
However it is all good. He told me that this was the last leg of my work. Lots of cleaning and tweaking. So much more about my life makes much more sense now.
And the awesome part is that it is leading me right into my purpose work. It makes such complete sense that cleaning out the cobwebs from the past is necessary to serve in a bigger way than I have.
And that is one reason why I am excited about 2011!
I have been feeling increased compassion for my father. He is 85 and has worked very hard his entire life. He is still going at it running his small business. Everyday … the weekends too … he works. Whether it is doing paperwork or seeing clients or vendors he is constantly working. Except when he is watching football or playing with his stamp collection or listening to his favorite radio station!
Though many times he is working in the background. I have watched him work like this since my childhood and see that he has been a source of my inspiration to get started in business so young in my life. Thank you Dad!
I would say I’d like to make it easier for my Dad (and for my Mom for that matter!) yet he would tell me that he is enjoying his life … though I am sure he would accept any gifts I may give him!
This morning as I am working on a project I am feeling excitement. I see myself looking at everything as creation and adventure and as I feel the passion of that moment. It is getting me to my next moment where I can create and feel passion. It is about continuing to climb the ladder of passion. That is where success is!
Thank you for reading and allowing me to be more authentic! Writing is so healing and really locks in the learning and creates more shifts. I would love to hear your comments!
In Deep Gratitude, Love and Inspiration!
In the past year I have been delving deeply into my level of worthiness. There were some painful experiences in my personal life relating to my immediate family that made me stop and think and explore.
It began very innocently when I made some requests, spoke my truth and took some actions with my family over a period of several months. The responses I received shook me at my core.
Without realizing it I was beginning to raise my level of worthiness and saw it was time to let go in every way possible.
First I let go of a material item that I had been trying to get returned to me. It was too painful to ask anymore.
Releasing the material item allowed me to let go of the past.
I was brought back into my childhood where I began remembering choices I made.
There were so many things I was figuring out and in one minute I had an aha and the next minute I was in tears.
I was reliving my childhood and feeling extreme amounts of fear and sadness. After several weeks of this intense emotional upheaval I sought professional help.
After two sessions I was able to fully connect this time of my life with my level of worthiness. I’ve also had several energy healing sessions to let go of this old energy from my body.
At a very young age I took responsibility upon myself to take care of my younger siblings because my intuition told me to. Yet how much can a child know to take care of two younger children … in a sufficient manner?
As mature as I was at that time I lived in fear practically everyday of my childhood (and well into my adult years). I did not have friends at school because I was always busy at home being an “adult” and did not know how to socialize.
When I realized at that young age that I was not doing a very good job taking care of my siblings and that I resented the situation I was put in I took on a tremendous amount of guilt.
I did my best but my best was not good enough … so I thought.
And when I look back on my adult life about 3 decades I can see how much I tried and tried to do enough as an adult. Giving big gifts, hiring family, doing what was expected and never feeling as if it was enough.
This translated into “I am not enough.”
I was attempting to make up for what I was not able to do as a child and much of this was unconscious.
That guilt was locked away until earlier this year. And I believe that my siblings and I have had a unhealthy energetic connection all these years because of this. Who knows what they were thinking about me when we were all so young. Maybe they wished I had done more too and could be holding some resentments towards me that they are not in touch with.
Now when I look back over the past 3 decades I can see that I did all I could. Everything I gave came from my heart. There was nothing more I could have done … as a child or as an adult. I did my absolute best.
I’m human after all!
More appropriately it was not my responsibility to take on the role of a caretaker as a child. It is just the role I was cast in.
As I began realizing this I was removing layers of guilt, sadness, fear and unworthiness.
I had unraveled one of the biggest mysteries of my adult life and I discovered the root of all my deep sadness! I was beginning to cry more tears of joy rather than tears of sadness.
The rewards are immense!
I have been getting much more in touch with my purpose and I have been recognizing my value. I have been standing for myself in expanded ways.
The best part is that I am experiencing a deep sense of inner peace.
If everybody on earth could feel this deep sense of inner peace we would not have wars and we would all be healthy and wealthy in every way imaginable.
I urge you to continue doing your work. I know I am!
If you remember experiences from your life there is a reason for it. I always remembered some specific times of my life but did not realize the power they had over me. Trust that all is unfolding in perfect timing. This way you can let go of any judgments you may be feeling about yourself.
I know that everything I have experienced in my life has been for a reason. It has all been leading me to where I am now and where I am going.
When you begin changing and immersing yourself into finding the truth about yourself you may experience pain. Get the help you need by calling a therapist or an energy worker or coach.
Listen to your intuition about what is right for you. Do not suffer. There has been enough of that. You came here to enjoy your life.
When are you going to fully step into that role?!
Remember change begins at home … it begins deep inside you and me 🙂
Love and Inspiration!
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