30 Days 30 Stories
30 Days 30 Stories – Day 4 – Patty, Janet & Dawn
Story 4
4-7-11
When I began this project I said I was going to write one story a day and then blog about it. That is not happening exactly. I was just going to explain it all and I was getting myself all confused so I am going to leave all that out and just say that here is another story…the story is my blog. And I’d like to add that this commitment I made to write stories for the next 30 days is a much bigger challenge than I realized but I am staying on track. I can feel my awareness growing and it is changing me. I love that. Isn’t that all that matters?
***
Patty, Janet and Dawn
It was my last year at Eisenhower Middle School and I was in my physical education class one day and all at once Patty, Janet and Dawn came up to me and befriended me.
They touched my hair and told me they liked it. It was and still is a unique color. Back then it was considered strawberry blond…and it had a lot of red in it. I suppose I stood out in more ways than one. But really I guess they just liked me and invited me into their circle. That was the first time that ever happened to me.
I felt accepted. I was happy to feel their acceptance and their attention. They wanted to eat lunch with me and when Christmas came around they all had gifts for me. Or was it my birthday? I really cannot remember because it is way too long ago! But again I was really touched.
They always wanted me to go skating on Thursday nights. That was when many of the kids at my school went skating at a particular skating rink that I had a couple of birthday parties at.
But my mother would never let me go. It was an important time for me to get out of the house and socialize with kids my age especially since I was so shy…at least that is what I had been labeled from a very young age. I really wanted to go so perhaps I was not as shy as everyone made me think. I begged to no avail.
The entire year they wanted me to go and even though I couldn’t they still kept me in their circle.
Then it was time for summer vacation so I did not see them at school anymore. And I did not go skating on Thursday nights. And all summer long all I could think about was seeing my friends again.
On the first day of school at high school it was lunch time and I was so excited. I went to the cafeteria and looked for them. I found them quickly and I hurried over to them in the snack bar line. I said hello and they completely and totally ignored me.
I was so hurt. They were talking about me and making fun of me as I stood there. I was quiet as I stood there and listened. I can feel the pain inside of me right now.
I better do some EFT (ok done).
I started thinking about these friends in the past few weeks in a different way. I had a thought that perhaps they were hurt they I never went skating and that I never contacted them during the summer. Now as I write this story I’m thinking that maybe it was none of that. Maybe they were just tired of me and wanted to pick a new friend for the year that they would dump.
It really does not matter. The only thing that matters to me now is that I let go of any stuck energies created from this experience. Perhaps the EFT took care of this or maybe the awareness from the writing of this story is allowing whatever healing is necessary to take place. I do not need answers to everything. What I need to know will come to me if and when it is necessary.
With Love
Wendy
30 Days 30 Stories: Day 3
Story 3
4-6-11
This is my 4th day of writing stories and I am choosing to print today’s story instead of blog about my experience only. If my purpose is about being emotionally authentic it seems that sharing my story is more in alignment. I will see how I feel as I continue this journey. I will probably do both. This story was meant for yesterday! Yes I am already behind but will write 2 stories today!
Feel free to share!
***
“When I Tried Out for Cheerleader – Twice!”
When I was a freshman at Churchill High School in San Antonio I tried out for cheerleader. I loved practicing gymnastics even though I was just a beginner. Mainly I wanted to be popular! I felt like the most unpopular person in school and was down on myself for it. I longed for friends and I thought this was my ticket.
I joined the team to learn all the cheers and practice my jumping and I had a total blast learning. There were just a small handful of us. When I think about it now I see that I really had a lot of guts to do this. All of the others that tried out were used to this sort of thing.
The day of cheerleader tryouts we entered the gym and ran to the front. Every single student from the entire school was there. I looked out and have no idea how many students were there but it was a huge gym and it was packed. The bleachers and the floor were totally covered with students. From freshman to seniors they were all there. There could’ve been a few thousand. What was I thinking?!
When it was my time I did my cheer from start to finish and I did my jumps. I did the absolute best that I could. I was not as good as any of the others. I did not jump as high and I did not yell as loud and I was definitely not as popular. So the next day when I found out that I did not win I was not surprised but I was happy that I tried. It was great fun.
The next year my family moved to another neighborhood in San Antonio and I went to Robert E Lee High School and I just did not have enough so I tried out again. This time it was much different. We tried out in the gym to a very small group of people who would choose the cheerleaders. And this time if you can believe it I forgot my cheer. I totally forgot my cheer! I did better with a large crowd than a small handful of people.
But I was able to do something that nobody else could do. When I jumped I landed in the Chinese splits…I can remember it to this day. I may have forgotten my cheer but I landed with perfection! And I got the oohs and the ahs! I was able to walk out of there with my head held high! It just goes to show that there is always a silver lining and it just takes us choosing to focus on that instead of the other.
When I look back now I remember how some of the boys actually did talk to me when I did not hide and choose to be shy…the term I was labeled with early in my life. And some of them were even cute. Yeah I liked the cute boys of course. I always wanted what I could not have. And some of the popular girls even talked to me. They were always complimenting my jewelry. Yes there were those young girls who made fun of me. It is all part of the experience of my life. I’ve been living the full spectrum of feelings my entire life…from extreme highs to extreme lows and one thing I can say is that it has been a very moving experience!
I thought at that young age that it was all about the outer. That if I could be popular out there and have a lot of friends and admirers I would feel better inside. I wanted to be loved. I did not know that it was an inside job. I was only 14 after all.
And I wonder why I could do my cheer perfectly in front of a mass audience and forget it in front of a few. Perhaps I am meant to be speaking in front of large audiences because I feed of their energy and rapport. Well I suppose we will see.
With Love!
Wendy
30 Days 30 Stories: Day 2
Well I just finished writing my 2nd story out of 30. And just like yesterday I found many other things to do instead of write. Perhaps tomorrow I will get started much earlier though I will continue to allow myself to slow down.
Today I took some time to practice deep breathing and enjoyed it.
I visualized twice and the 2nd time for quite some time. It was a joyful experience as I could feel it in my body and could feel how it was merging with my energy field. I could feel how I had already created my desire in physical form.
During this time I was developing new tools and getting excited about that as well. Oh there I go always creating!
I can feel things continuing to shift inside of me. The stories I am writing are shifting me as well. It is exciting to me to take on a 30 day project and to blog about it openly.
As I am writing this I have been thinking about sharing the story and instead of doing that I am sharing the last paragraph:
“This is so interesting to bring this story forward into my life. It merges the innate knowing I had at that young age with the adult who has healed from her many childhood experiences. I can only imagine the young Wendy speaking to the adult Wendy and each one of them sharing and loving and growing together and merging more fully as one empowered being! This creates a much more powerful me. Much more to ponder here and I look forward to the new insights I have about this story.”
With that I will let myself drift off to sleep as it is almost midnight and I am about to turn into a pumpkin!
With Love!
Wendy
30 Days 30 Stories: Day 1
Earlier today I announced on Facebook that I would be writing 30 stories about my life in 30 days and that I would be blogging about it everyday.
I had a busy day that included doing everything else under the sun that I could think of except write this story!
First I typed up something I had manually written the other day. That was an accomplishment right there as I took numerous breaks..mainly opening the fridge over and over to see if there was perhaps something new in there. There wasn’t!
Finally I finished that project and rested on my couch in complete silence. That was really nice and it felt wonderful to give myself that time to just relax and I think I may have dozed! Then I took at walk around the park near my house!
I consciously allowed myself to slow down and enjoy they day. Slow is the new fast in this new paradigm we live in. Slow down to get more done. The concept of time is changing and I can feel how this is slowly beginning to integrate into my life.
One way I can see to slow down is to have more fun. Laugh more. Live more from my core. Have intimate conversations.
So I chose to meet a few friends at “The Chocolate Bar” in Houston to watch the Secret Millionaire episode tonight since the non-profits featured are all in Houston. That was a lot of fun and very heart warming!
Thanks to accountability I began writing my first story shortly after returning home. Since it is Sunday evening and my first day of story writing I gave myself the permission to write a very short one! It was 20 sentences.
The title is “The Day My Dad Was a Farmer.” It was about the tiny peach tree in our backyard in our first house in San Antonio!
So that is how my day went. I slowed down and felt extremely productive. I even had time to stop at Whole Foods Market on the way to “The Chocolate Bar!”
Most importantly I did what I said I was going to do. Only 29 more stories to go in this self-imposed 30 day challenge! Yay for me!
Love to all 🙂
Wendy
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