Ever feel like it is one thing after another?! Life just keeps happening and sometimes there is no time for a breather?
These days many are experiencing a quickening in challenging life events. If you are one of them I totally feel you.
This has been my life for about 30 years. My twenties were turbulent and when I started on my healing path in 1989 things began to make some sense.
10 years ago began a new series of events and six years ago another big series and then many other since. And when I take a closer look I see that they are all very connected and
I have often wanted to write about them and the reality is that when things are happening so fast and with very little recovery time it can be easy to lose track. It is my intention to share more as I walk this path because I receive insights that help me and others. I know that by sharing my journey in the form of story and insight from the experience it is serving a larger whole.
So with that in mind….
A new series of events began the end of February.
I bought a new car out of the blue (fun and surprising mystical experience I still intend to write about!).
A couple of days later I was in the process of moving and I missed a step and sprained my foot and ankle … the worst sprain ever!
After looking for help I just had to walk on my foot, carrying boxes and pushing my way through.
My dog and I stayed in a hotel for several days and walking him was painful! I held onto cars and the side of the building and sometime sat on the curb. And it was cold and rainy and I was moving SLOW.
During this time I was in the process of selling my old car which took three days of non-stop work (driving from one side of the city to the other, trading cars and getting documents together) to make it happen. I really felt as though I was being tested.
I also felt as though I was pushing myself to the next level of inner growth. While that was nice to realize I was just tired and my sweet dog was getting confused over the continuing change from one car to the other.
I kept pushing through. I had no other choice.
Then after several weeks of testing my mother was moved into a lock-down unit of an assisted living home for dementia – very emotionally challenging.
It has been a challenging couple of months working towards acceptance of my mother’s health. All kinds of anger and grief has surfaced and keep working through it using my own processes and getting help from other energy healers
There is no other choice for me. What about you? What is your choice?
I’d love to hear.
PS. One hint to move through the rough stuff: Create Art!
The other morning I was talking to my sister.
“What? You had a miscarriage? I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”
Then my eyes opened.
“What was THAT? Oh!! That had nothing to do with my sister!”
The dream was a symbol for the nightmare I had been living.
After selling my 17 year ergonomic business in 2008 I followed a calling. Over a period of years I created and offered a string of products and services and each time I began marketing them they flopped!
Every one of my project launches miscarried!
OMG. That really put things into perspective for me. I browsed my work and realized the massive amount of writing I completed. Sales pages. Optin pages. Thank you pages. Download pages. Video creation. Editing. Branding. Marketing messages. Social Media. Technical challenges. Family issues.
And then falling flat on my butt.
Doubt crept in and I lost momentum over and again. Sometimes I just wanted to give up. Does that sound familiar?
And then I realized the perfection of the entire experience.
I had been slowly dipping my toes in the water and building my confidence with each baby step and each success. One of my artist friends, Tara Dixon said “They are all baby steps.” … No truer words could be said about the process of bringing your dreams to life. We must keep going no matter what and eventually we will make great progress. The process of the work made me confront my deepest fears and beliefs so I could shift them.
The good news…
My art dream is beginning to bud. I love creating colorful art and I’m creating a new collection. I took my latest launch full term and we are almost midway through the course and my clients are experiencing transformations and I love serving them.
You see – a few years ago a coach told me to connect to my core gifts and that everything would spring forth from there. What gifts? What passions were at my core that I was not in touch with? These questions had me exploring who I am.
Was it easy? No! It was a slow and very painful process. I persevered on my own and eventually tapped a deeper understanding of myself and this changed EVERYTHING for me. Months later as I reflected on the previous couple of years I saw the processes I had been using on myself to heal and transform and own my artistic gifts.
I’m grateful for all the miscarried projects, birthing pains and successes. The lessons are now my teachings. I continue to do my inner work and transform my life as the unlimited being that I AM.
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Several years ago after my major ergonomic consulting contract ended and I was in the beginning stages of “figuring out” what to do next I remember saying to a beloved NLP teacher of mine.
“I don’t know what is going to happen.”
And with a smile she said “Nobody knows what is going to happen.”
That is so true. We can do all the planning in the world and sometimes life just happens. What is the phrase? “We make plans and God Laughs!”
Seven years ago I finally finished my ergonomic ebook, Get Inside Your Comfort Zone that I had been writing and editing for over a year. I sold some copies and then a week later my dear stepmother passed away and then one thing after another happened and I never got back to the marketing of the book. I just lost interest.
Then I did an entire month of interviews with experts to help people get comfortable and out of pain. I wrote press releases and articles and had a lot of fun and nothing substantial changed in my business.
I tried everything in the world to turn the business around and nothing seemed to be working. It appeared that there was something else for me to do in the world but I had no idea what.
I was not ok with not knowing. I thought I had to know … otherwise I was not being responsible I thought. That was the conditioning. If something is not working I must be doing something wrong. Yes of course and then that gives me something to beat myself up about. OK. Done with that kind of thinking!
Right now I would like to know a lot of things that I don’t know. But I am ok with not knowing. Ok maybe not fully ok with it but that is something I get to surrender to. And trust. And surrendering to trust is way more powerful than most ways of being in the world!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!!!! <3
Ha! Well the perfectionist that lives inside of me attempted one more Ringside Flower Mandala drawing! Still not the same but perfect anyway. We creatives can just let go and create without worrying about getting it right. It is all right and perfect in this very moment. Play!
I share an update about my recent move – the 3rd one this year – well technically I am not living in a particular place right now but I did manifest something really cool in the process. I speak about trust and being “home in the heart” – ok I did not say “heart” but I did touch my heart. Let me know how this inspires you! xoxox Wendy PS. I do believe this is an example of living very courageously!
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Love and Inspiration