The other morning I was talking to my sister.
“What? You had a miscarriage? I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”
Then my eyes opened.
“What was THAT? Oh!! That had nothing to do with my sister!”
The dream was a symbol for the nightmare I had been living.
After selling my 17 year ergonomic business in 2008 I followed a calling. Over a period of years I created and offered a string of products and services and each time I began marketing them they flopped!
Every one of my project launches miscarried!
OMG. That really put things into perspective for me. I browsed my work and realized the massive amount of writing I completed. Sales pages. Optin pages. Thank you pages. Download pages. Video creation. Editing. Branding. Marketing messages. Social Media. Technical challenges. Family issues.
And then falling flat on my butt.
Doubt crept in and I lost momentum over and again. Sometimes I just wanted to give up. Does that sound familiar?
And then I realized the perfection of the entire experience.
I had been slowly dipping my toes in the water and building my confidence with each baby step and each success. One of my artist friends, Tara Dixon said “They are all baby steps.” … No truer words could be said about the process of bringing your dreams to life. We must keep going no matter what and eventually we will make great progress. The process of the work made me confront my deepest fears and beliefs so I could shift them.
The good news…
My art dream is beginning to bud. I love creating colorful art and I’m creating a new collection. I took my latest launch full term and we are almost midway through the course and my clients are experiencing transformations and I love serving them.
You see – a few years ago a coach told me to connect to my core gifts and that everything would spring forth from there. What gifts? What passions were at my core that I was not in touch with? These questions had me exploring who I am.
Was it easy? No! It was a slow and very painful process. I persevered on my own and eventually tapped a deeper understanding of myself and this changed EVERYTHING for me. Months later as I reflected on the previous couple of years I saw the processes I had been using on myself to heal and transform and own my artistic gifts.
I’m grateful for all the miscarried projects, birthing pains and successes. The lessons are now my teachings. I continue to do my inner work and transform my life as the unlimited being that I AM.
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I never thought much about confidence or courage for that matter.
When I was growing up I was put down a lot at home, school and extracurricular activities. I was also given too much responsibility at home instead of getting out, socializing and dating. My mother used to tell me that the boys did not ask me out because I was not rich. I have often wondered how that affected me in all areas of my life. I tried a lot growing up and somewhere along the way I must have lost my confidence and did not realize it.
In the early days of my business I made cold calls. I knocked on doors and handed out my cards and I looked through the phone book and made phone calls. I never really liked it but as I look back I can see how it helped me build confidence and as well as my business.
Recently I have realized that I have been building confidence. I’ve been putting myself out there more, leading calls and sharing more of my story. It was not anything I was trying to do but it feels good to notice that my confidence is getting stronger as I step deeper into my purpose and new business. Everything I do these days is getting easier. And I care less about being perfect. Plus I do not seem to care what people may think about me anymore either.
The point is I’m feeling a level of confidence that is new and refreshing … now that I’m paying attention to it! 🙂
First of all I am letting go of whatever needs I’ve had up to now to be verbose when I write! LOL I now look forward to writing shorter posts (ok this post could still be shorter) and getting to the point. I also let go of any need I may have for anyone to read what I write or comment. It sure makes it a lot more fun to let go of expectations. I am writing for me. It lightens my load and opens a bigger space inside of me to create. And if there is a lot more to write I let go of the need to make it short. I let go of the control. I let go of any need to control. I let go of any part of me that makes this feel like work. I let go of anything inside of me that does not allow me to have fun with my writing.
So much good comes from letting go.
Five years ago I let go of my business. It was not bringing me pleasure anymore. It was early February 2008 and after several years of thinking and wondering I had an instantaneous knowing. I was standing in my kitchen and I realized it was time to close it. I was going to put a note on the website and say “Gone Fishing” and see what was next.
In that instant I felt a great comfort – like a giant HUG from the universe and I knew that all would be ok. It was a great feeling to be ok with not knowing what was next. I knew I would be taken care of and that my bills would get paid. And the inspiration came to sell it and it was easy. It sold in 90 days because I was willing to let go of it.
Earlier this year I let go of my house. I had been nudged to sell it ever since I sold my business. I let go of clutter, sold a lot and donated and threw away much more and I still have a 10 x 20 storage unit. Yesterday I was there in search of a few things. There is much more to let go of. It feels so good and it takes courage.
And now I would like to let go of having to know where my next “permanent” home will be. I really want to know now! I am living on the other side of the city from what I am used to for the past 30 years. I have had to let of my need to get my daily cup of coffee from Whole Foods because it is just too far to drive everyday. Oh I miss visiting my store! Somehow it will all work out. And the sooner I let go of the how to get it the sooner I will have it!
That’s what I’m talking about.
Everything I’ve experienced in the past decade could fall under the heading of “reinvention” and if there was a defining moment that set me on that path it would be the following…
In the spring of 2004 my Houston consultant gave her resignation because she was moving too far away to commute. I called my client to request a meeting so I could share the news (they loved our consultant) but they were not interested in meeting with me. I soon learned that they were doing everything they could to undo the relationship we can created. So I shared the news via email.
The next day my client called our office to speak to our consultant and my intuition told me to sit in the office when she took the call. And he did what I suspected. He tried to hire her and it just shattered me. Even though I had mentioned my hunch to my HR consultant two weeks prior it was still incredibly unbelievable. I had been working so hard for so long, invested my time, energy and savings to create the best systems possible and this was how they showed their appreciation! The next day he was the one calling me to request a meeting and I told him I would think about it.
Two weeks later it was my consultant’s last day and I took her to lunch and then we were going to attend a meeting with the client to discuss her open cases. At lunch she shared that my client was going to “replace me” with an employee. They were going to “make me” tell her everything about the contract …ie..How we did things and how to use the database that my company funded (I was going to use this for other clients). They thought that I was going to give in and let them do anything they wanted! NO!
( I had learned a big lesson. It took me a long time to say no to them because I was so afraid of losing their business. The consulting fees were bringing in $25,000 per month. Then there were product sales from the contract and internet sales but the consulting fees were a major portion of our business. I had intended to get the contract running efficiently for the first few months and then meet with other clients for new business but this client made so many demands on my energy. As much as I tried to breakfree I was unable to focus on new business because I did not stand up for myself and the needs of my business and employees.
I saw the client as my source of money instead of only one possibility. I was totally disconnected from my Source at that point…I was just beginning to study the law of attraction even though I had known about it since the 80’s. It would take me many years to clear the energy that lived inside of me since my early youth that had created this mess in my adult life.)
So we went to the meeting. When I arrived at our onsite office they had already removed our company name off the door and replaced it. And the employee they were going to give the contract to was there in the office and was going to come into the meeting. I walked up to her, looked her squarely in the eyes and told her she was not invited. I was taking my power back.
We began the meeting with just three of us….myself, my employee and my contact’s associate. A few minutes later my client walked into the meeting, leaned into my face and began pointing his finger and yelling at me. He was so filled with rage that it was almost humorous … especially when he could not roll his chair through the door because it kept bumping into the door frame!
At one point I thought he might actually hurt me. My employee and his associate were in shock. I could have grabbed my brief case and walked out but my body was frozen.
He was demanding that I do what he wanted and I told him “no.” He kept testing me and I kept saying no. It took every ounce of courage I had.
After we walked out of the meeting I discovered that many in the vicinity heard what transpired. We were right next to the medical department and the elevators. My contact had lost control. He was under so much pressure to produce that he was completely out of touch. He was removed from the contract and his boss (the one that awarded the contract to me and hired him to micromanage) called to take me to lunch.
They realized they had made a big mistake by trying to replace me in my own contract and now they were just trying to smooth things over. They wanted me to begin a new level of work at another location under the same contract even though they had already broken the contract by cutting it in half. My lawyer and my therapist at the time both gave me the same advice “Do not even think about it.”
I wanted to take the work. It would have been at least $100,000. I “thought” I needed the money at the time to make up for the work they took away but in the end I did not take it.
After that fateful meeting I could feel the “connectors” in my brain breaking apart. I was officially in a mid-life crisis… a spiritual crisis and it affected me physically. I took the next two months to rest and recover. Thank goodness for my consultant in the New Orleans office who was working and bringing in income. Plus we had the internet sales. Once I felt better I consulted for another couple of months until the contract was officially over and several months later I recovered 20% of the income we had been denied.
It took quite a while to see the beauty. I knew that there was something new for me to do in the world but I had no idea what that was. I was beginning a new path and it was the beginning of an intense journey of healing and self discovery. I believe that everything happens for a reason and when we are able to let go new possibilities and doors present themselves to us.
In fact this week three doors closed for me so I am paying attention to what new doors are opening for me!
A couple of years ago I began writing a series of stories. I intended to write 30 Stories in 30 Days yet after completing five stories I experienced a huge insight about my life and was guided down a new path and through a series of processes. This led me to own the artist within me and it has been life changing. I’ve written enough for a book in the past couple of years but until now did not feel ready to share anything with anyone other than myself.
So this month I’ll be SAYING YES to ACCEPTING my life 100% to whatever is showing up. The outcome I would like to experience at the end of this series is feeling GRATITUDE for EVERYTHING. Who knows what miracles may happen?!
I’ll be SAYING YES to what is challenging, easy, fun, crazy, boring, peaceful, colorful, playful, painful, difficult, taking longer than I want, etc. I’ll be SAYING YES to what I rather not experience and what I enjoy. I’ll be SAYING YES to what feeds my pleasure, fun and playfulness and what does not. I’ll be SAYING YES to my life experiences as I am inspired.
I’m looking forward to this journey of sharing and learning more about myself. I’m taking a big leap of faith that I’ll tap into my inspiration to write and create art everyday along with everything else happening in my life.
With Love, Wendy
What if challenge is just a made up scenario when things don’t go as “planned?” If we allow ourselves to go with the flow and stay out of resistance what is the challenge?? 🙂 xoxoxo Wendy
I was setting up to create videos and an officer gave me an idea!
Are you a closet artist and want to express more art? If you do this is a great time to get started especially if you want to ignite your creativity! http://www.wendygyoung.com and http://awakentheartist.com
If the artist in you is ready to be expressive this video is going to make your day! I have opened up some awesome INTRO coaching spots. If this resonates book 15 minutes with me to see if we are a perfect fit to work together!
The courage to create art already lives inside of you. It is your job to get in touch with it and to CLAIM it. You have everything it takes to be creative in the world. Reach in and grab it and hold onto it. It is yours now! I was not always so courageous when it came to my art. Once I finally had the courage to create art it took me years and years to even begin to think about sharing it! So, YOU are the well of courage. Be artful, share your art and open the doors to your creativity. Yes!